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"I" STATEMENTS TO IMPROVE COMUNICATION

"I" statements are an effective communication tool that can help reconnect with your partner by promoting understanding and reducing defensiveness. Here’s why this method works and how it should be used:

Why "I" Statements Work

  1. Reduces Blame and Defensiveness: "I" statements focus on your own feelings and experiences rather than blaming or accusing your partner. This reduces the likelihood of your partner becoming defensive and fosters a more open and productive conversation.

  2. Encourages Self-Reflection: By using "I" statements, you reflect on your own emotions and needs, which can lead to better self-awareness and understanding of what you want to communicate.

  3. Promotes Empathy: When you express your feelings and needs clearly, your partner can better understand your perspective and empathize with your experiences. This mutual understanding can help rebuild emotional intimacy.

  4. Facilitates Constructive Dialogue: "I" statements help keep the conversation focused on finding solutions rather than assigning blame, leading to more constructive and solution-oriented discussions.

How to Use "I" Statements

  1. Focus on Your Feelings: Begin with "I feel..." to express your emotions. For example, "I feel hurt" or "I feel unappreciated." This centers the conversation on your emotional experience rather than your partner’s behavior.

  2. Describe the Situation: Explain the specific situation or behavior that led to your feelings without using accusatory language. For example, "I feel hurt when you cancel our plans at the last minute."

  3. Express Your Needs: Clearly state what you need or would like to happen in the future. For example, "I feel hurt when you cancel our plans at the last minute. I need us to have more reliable plans so I can feel valued."

  4. Avoid Generalizations: Steer clear of words like "always" or "never," as they can make your partner feel attacked and lead to defensiveness. Focus on specific instances instead.

  5. Stay Calm and Respectful: Maintain a calm and respectful tone throughout the conversation. This helps keep the dialogue positive and productive.

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EXAMPLES of "I" STATEMENTS in USE

Communication and Listening

  1. Instead of saying: "You never listen to me." Try: "I feel ignored when I talk about my day, and it seems like you’re not paying attention. I need to feel heard and valued in our conversations."

  2. Instead of saying: "You always interrupt me." Try: "I feel frustrated when I'm interrupted. I need to finish my thoughts."

  3. Instead of saying: "You never share your thoughts with me." Try: "I feel disconnected when thoughts aren't shared. I need to know what's on your mind."

  4. Instead of saying: "You never take my suggestions." Try: "I feel ignored when my suggestions aren't considered. I need my ideas to be valued."

  5. Instead of saying: "You always dismiss my ideas." Try: "I feel invalidated when my ideas are dismissed. I need my contributions to be valued."

  6. Instead of saying: "You don't listen to my opinions." Try: "I feel undervalued when my opinions are dismissed. I need my thoughts to be heard."

  7. Instead of saying: "You never consider my input." Try: "I feel overlooked when my input isn't considered. I need to feel included."

  8. Instead of saying: "You never show interest in my day." Try: "I feel disconnected when there's no interest in my day. I need you to engage with me."

  9. Instead of saying: "You never share your plans." Try: "I feel left out when I'm not informed of plans. I need to be included."

  10. Instead of saying: "You always shut me out." Try: "I feel isolated when I'm shut out. I need open communication."

Appreciation and Recognition

  1. Instead of saying: "You never appreciate what I do." Try: "I feel unappreciated when my efforts go unnoticed. I need to feel valued."

  2. Instead of saying: "You never compliment me." Try: "I feel unappreciated when I don't receive compliments. I need to feel admired."

  3. Instead of saying: "You never show gratitude." Try: "I feel unappreciated when there's no gratitude. I need to feel valued."

  4. Instead of saying: "You never acknowledge my achievements." Try: "I feel unappreciated when my achievements are overlooked. I need recognition."

  5. Instead of saying: "You never appreciate my efforts." Try: "I feel undervalued when my efforts aren't appreciated. I need acknowledgment."

  6. Instead of saying: "You never appreciate my sacrifices." Try: "I feel resentful when my sacrifices go unnoticed. I need recognition."

  7. Instead of saying: "You never acknowledge my hard work." Try: "I feel unappreciated when my hard work is overlooked. I need acknowledgment."

Support and Encouragement

  1. Instead of saying: "You don't support my decisions." Try: "I feel unsupported when my decisions are questioned. I need your encouragement."

  2. Instead of saying: "You never support my goals." Try: "I feel unsupported when my goals are ignored. I need encouragement."

  3. Instead of saying: "You never support my ideas." Try: "I feel unsupported when my ideas are dismissed. I need my contributions to be valued."

  4. Instead of saying: "You don't support my hobbies." Try: "I feel unsupported when my hobbies are disregarded. I need you to show interest."

  5. Instead of saying: "You never support my dreams." Try: "I feel disheartened when my dreams are dismissed. I need you to support my aspirations."

Affection and Intimacy

  1. Instead of saying: "You don't show me affection." Try: "I feel unloved when there's no affection. I need more physical closeness."

  2. Instead of saying: "You never show interest in my life." Try: "I feel disconnected when there's no interest in my life. I need you to engage with me more."

  3. Instead of saying: "You never share your feelings." Try: "I feel disconnected when feelings aren't shared. I need emotional openness."

  4. Instead of saying: "You don't spend time with me." Try: "I feel lonely when we don't spend time together. I need more quality time with you."

  5. Instead of saying: "You don't make me feel special." Try: "I feel neglected when there's no effort to make me feel special. I need to feel cherished."

  6. Instead of saying: "You always forget special occasions." Try: "I feel unimportant when special occasions are forgotten. I need you to remember them."

  7. Instead of saying: "You never make time for us." Try: "I feel neglected when we don't make time for each other. I need us to prioritize our relationship."

  8. Instead of saying: "You don't show me respect." Try: "I feel disrespected when I'm not treated with respect. I need respect."

Conflict and Resolution

  1. Instead of saying: "You always criticize me." Try: "I feel hurt when I'm criticized. I need constructive feedback instead."

  2. Instead of saying: "You always argue with me." Try: "I feel distressed when we argue constantly. I need us to find more peaceful solutions."

  3. Instead of saying: "You always make me feel guilty." Try: "I feel guilty when I'm blamed. I need understanding instead of blame."

  4. Instead of saying: "You never apologize." Try: "I feel resentful when there's no apology. I need accountability."

  5. Instead of saying: "You always blame me." Try: "I feel blamed when things go wrong. I need us to share responsibility."

  6. Instead of saying: "You always bring up the past." Try: "I feel hurt when past mistakes are mentioned. I need us to focus on the present."

  7. Instead of saying: "You never take responsibility." Try: "I feel frustrated when responsibility isn't shared. I need us to be accountable together."

  8. Instead of saying: "You always rush me." Try: "I feel pressured when I'm rushed. I need more time to process."

  9. Instead of saying: "You always expect too much from me." Try: "I feel overwhelmed by high expectations. I need us to set realistic goals."

  10. Instead of saying: "You always make me feel stressed." Try: "I feel stressed when situations are tense. I need us to create a calm environment."

Boundaries and Space

  1. Instead of saying: "You don't respect my space." Try: "I feel crowded when my space isn't respected. I need some time for myself."

  2. Instead of saying: "You never respect my time." Try: "I feel disrespected when my time isn't valued. I need my time to be considered."

  3. Instead of saying: "You never consider my boundaries." Try: "I feel disrespected when my boundaries are ignored. I need my limits to be honored."

  4. Instead of saying: "You don't give me any space." Try: "I feel overwhelmed when there's no space. I need some time alone."

Responsibilities and Contributions

  1. Instead of saying: "You never help with the chores." Try: "I feel overwhelmed when the chores are all on me. I need help to manage everything."

  2. Instead of saying: "You don't help with the kids." Try: "I feel overwhelmed when parenting is one-sided. I need your help with the kids."

  3. Instead of saying: "You never share responsibilities." Try: "I feel burdened when responsibilities aren't shared. I need us to work together."

  4. Instead of saying: "You don't help with our finances." Try: "I feel stressed when finances are one-sided. I need us to manage them together."

Trust and Security

  1. Instead of saying: "You never take my side." Try: "I feel alone when you don't support me. I need to feel you have my back."

  2. Instead of saying: "You always make decisions without me." Try: "I feel excluded when decisions are made without me. I need to be part of the process."

  3. Instead of saying: "You never share your plans with me." Try: "I feel left out when I'm not informed of plans. I need to be included."

  4. Instead of saying: "You don't make an effort to connect." Try: "I feel disconnected when there's no effort to connect. I need us to engage more."

Respect and Understanding

  1. Instead of saying: "You never understand me." Try: "I feel misunderstood when my perspective isn't considered. I need us to understand each other better."

  2. Instead of saying: "You never consider my perspective." Try: "I feel unheard when my perspective isn't considered. I need to feel understood."

  3. Instead of saying: "You never take my dreams seriously." Try: "I feel disheartened when my dreams are dismissed. I need you to support my aspirations."

  4. Instead of saying: "You don't take me seriously." Try: "I feel belittled when I'm not taken seriously. I need respect."

  5. Instead of saying: "You don't respect my feelings." Try: "I feel hurt when my feelings are disregarded. I need my emotions to be taken into account."

  6. Instead of saying: "You never consider my feelings." Try: "I feel hurt when my feelings are disregarded. I need my emotions to be taken into account."

  7. Instead of saying: "You always dismiss my feelings." Try: "I feel invalidated when my feelings are dismissed. I need my emotions to be acknowledged."

Prioritization and Balance

  1. Instead of saying: "You always put your friends first." Try: "I feel sidelined when your friends come before me. I need us to prioritize our relationship."

  2. Instead of saying: "You always put work before me." Try: "I feel secondary when work comes first. I need a better balance."

  3. Instead of saying: "You don't prioritize our relationship." Try: "I feel undervalued when our relationship isn't prioritized. I need us to focus on us."

  4. Instead of saying: "You don't make an effort." Try: "I feel disappointed when there's no effort. I need us both to try harder."

  5. Instead of saying: "You don't care about my needs." Try: "I feel neglected when my needs are ignored. I need you to consider them."

  6. Instead of saying: "You don't take my dreams seriously." Try: "I feel disheartened when my dreams are dismissed. I need you to support my aspirations."

  7. Instead of saying: "You never make time for fun." Try: "I feel bored when we don't have fun together. I need us to enjoy each other's company."

Empathy and Compassion

  1. Instead of saying: "You don't care about my feelings." Try: "I feel hurt when my feelings are not acknowledged. I need us to talk about them."

  2. Instead of saying: "You always make me feel bad." Try: "I feel hurt when negative things are said to me. I need more positive interactions."

  3. Instead of saying: "You never try to understand me." Try: "I feel misunderstood when my perspective isn't considered. I need us to understand each other better."

  4. Instead of saying: "You don't show empathy." Try: "I feel disconnected when there's no empathy. I need us to be more understanding of each other."

  5. Instead of saying: "You always make me feel inferior." Try: "I feel inferior when I'm compared negatively. I need positive reinforcement."

Individuality and Identity

  1. Instead of saying: "You never honor my individuality." Try: "I feel stifled when my individuality isn't honored. I need to be recognized for who I am."

  2. Instead of saying: "You don't respect my identity." Try: "I feel unseen when my identity isn't respected. I need to be acknowledged for who I am."

  3. Instead of saying: "You always undermine me." Try: "I feel undermined when my actions are questioned. I need your trust."

  4. Instead of saying: "You always make me feel inferior." Try: "I feel inferior when I'm compared negatively. I need positive reinforcement."

Validation and Acknowledgment

  1. Instead of saying: "You never validate my feelings." Try: "I feel invalidated when my feelings aren't acknowledged. I need my emotions to be validated."

  2. Instead of saying: "You always dismiss my concerns." Try: "I feel unheard when my concerns are dismissed. I need my worries to be acknowledged."

  3. Instead of saying: "You never appreciate my opinions." Try: "I feel undervalued when my opinions are dismissed. I need my thoughts to be heard."

  4. Instead of saying: "You don't acknowledge my hard work." Try: "I feel unappreciated when my hard work is overlooked. I need acknowledgment."

Overall Relationship Maintenance

  1. Instead of saying: "You never make an effort to connect." Try: "I feel disconnected when there's no effort to connect. I need us to engage more."

  2. Instead of saying: "You never take responsibility." Try: "I feel frustrated when responsibility isn't shared. I need us to be accountable together."

  3. Instead of saying: "You never try to resolve issues." Try: "I feel hopeless when issues aren't resolved. I need us to work on solutions together."

  4. Instead of saying: "You never consider my needs." Try: "I feel neglected when my needs are ignored. I need you to consider them."

  5. Instead of saying: "You don't make me feel important." Try: "I feel unimportant when my needs are overlooked. I need to feel prioritized."

  6. Instead of saying: "You don't show me respect." Try: "I feel disrespected when I'm not treated with respect. I need respect."

  7. Instead of saying: "You never appreciate my efforts." Try: "I feel undervalued when my efforts aren't appreciated. I need acknowledgment."

  8. Instead of saying: "You never show interest in my day." Try: "I feel disconnected when there's no interest in my day. I need you to engage with me."

  9. Instead of saying: "You never support my hobbies." Try: "I feel unsupported when my hobbies are disregarded. I need you to show interest."

General Statements

  1. Instead of saying: "You never consider my feelings." Try: "I feel hurt when my feelings are disregarded. I need my emotions to be taken into account."

  2. Instead of saying: "You don't make an effort." Try: "I feel disappointed when there's no effort. I need us both to try harder."

  3. Instead of saying: "You never take responsibility." Try: "I feel frustrated when responsibility isn't shared. I need us to be accountable together."

  4. Instead of saying: "You don't respect my boundaries." Try: "I feel disrespected when my boundaries are ignored. I need my limits to be honored."

  5. Instead of saying: "You don't care about my happiness." Try: "I feel unhappy when my needs are ignored. I need you to care about my happiness."

  6. Instead of saying: "You don't support my goals." Try: "I feel unsupported when my goals are ignored. I need encouragement."

  7. Instead of saying: "You always criticize my choices." Try: "I feel judged when my choices are criticized. I need you to support my decisions."

  8. Instead of saying: "You never make me feel important." Try: "I feel unimportant when my needs are overlooked. I need to feel prioritized."

  9. Instead of saying: "You don't make me feel welcome." Try: "I feel unwelcome when I'm not included. I need to feel like I belong."

  10. Instead of saying: "You never show empathy." Try: "I feel disconnected when there's no empathy. I need us to be more understanding of each other."

  11. Instead of saying: "You never support my ideas." Try: "I feel unsupported when my ideas are dismissed. I need my contributions to be valued."

  12. Instead of saying: "You never show interest in my day." Try: "I feel disconnected when there's no interest in my day. I need you to engage with me."

These groups can help you find the right "I" statement for various situations in your relationship, fostering better communication and understanding.

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